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MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 1000 V

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Down in Darkshock's evil lair, a huge machine was running at full

speed.

Yuri: Slow down!

A conveyor belt carried bug size robots to a loading

machine.

Alice: Loading….loading….

Darkshock's hand reached down and picked

one up off of the belt. "Hello, my pretty little MosquitoBot.

Johnny (Darkshock): Aren't you the cutest killing machine?

Go and get that spiky-haired kid bitten and then bring

him down here." He instructed the tiny machine,

before tossing it up a tube.

Shania: What a sight! A tiny robot carrying a six-year old!

Calvin was above ground, studying the metal

mosquito.

Yuri: Crunchy.

"Hobbes, I think something weird is

happening on this island!" Calvin said.

Alice: And I don't think it's the drugs!

"You can say that again!" Hobbes replied.

Johnny (Calvin): Hobbes, I think something weird is

happening on this island!"

Yuri (Hobbes): You can say that again!

"Well, this is definitely no a normal bug.

Shania: This no game!

In fact, I think it's a robot!" Calvin concluded.

"We've gotta show it to your parents!"

Hobbes said.

Yuri: That worked before!

Calvin and Hobbes then ran off toward

the campsite.

Alice: And into the lake.

Back in the field, a tree opened up, and a small

electronic mosquito flew out after Calvin and Hobbes.

Johnny: He owns me money!

"Mom!" Calvin called. "WHAT IS IT CALVIN! CAN'T YOU

SEE I'M VERY BUSY!" Mom screamed, furiously.

Shania (Mom): I'M TRYING TO CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND WITH BOB!

"Woah, Mom!

You don't need to freak out!" Calvin said, getting a little scared.

"WELL THEN, GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!" Mom yelled.

Yuri (Mom): I CAN'T TREAT BOB TO A GOOD TIME WITH YOU AROUND!

Calvin ran off to look for Dad, who he hoped wouldn't

get mad. "Dad! Hey, Dad!" Calvin yelled. "CALVIN! GO PLAY WITH

YOUR STUFFED TIGER, AND STOP BOTHERING

ME!"

Alice: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING, SO DON'T BOTHER ME!

"Yikes. That was creepy." Calvin whispered to Hobbes.

Johnny: More like annoying and loud.

This chapter is a lot longer, so enjoy!

Shania: JUDAS!

Calvin and Hobbes rushed away, wondering why everyone was

getting so mad. "Wait a sec… …didn't Dad say

that his friend Bob got really mad when he said hi to

him on the lake?" Calvin asked.

Yuri: We already went over this the last time!

"Yeah, he did. Hmm…" Hobbes answered. "What are you

thinking about?" Calvin asked. "Nothing. Let's go see Uncle Max.

Alice (Uncle Max): CALVIN! I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND ME!

I think the mosquitoes are coming back." Hobbes replied.

Johnny: I think this is not important.

"Hey Uncle Max! Max!" Calvin called. "Yeah Calvin?" Max said.

Shania: Ah, he's not mad?

Alice: Wait for it.

"Do you remember when my Dad said that his friend yelled at him

on the lake this morning?" Calvin asked. "Yeah." What about it?"

Max asked.

Yuri: He's in mom's tent!

"Well, now I said hi to my parents, and they went

insane!" Calvin answered. "Hmm, maybe they were just busy

working." Max suggested.

Alice: Or maybe they got tired of you.

Yuri: Or possibly they just got annoyed of Calvin's antics over the years.

Shania: I'm going with the 'bad-story-syndrome'.

"Yeah, maybe. OH! RIGHT! I have to

show you this thing." Calvin said, "It feels like a metal mosquito!"

Johnny: But it looks like an iron car!

"What? This is strange. ThisISa metal mosquito!" Max said,

studying it.

Yuri: And it looks EXACTLY like a iron car!

While he talked to Calvin about it, another one

flew into the clearing, heading for Calvin.

Alice: TWO DOLLARS! I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

"Well, I don't know

what's going on, but someone should investigate it." Max said.

Johnny: Somebody get the Ghostbusters!

"Yes sir! Me and Hobbes will do all we can to get rid of the

aliens behind this insanity! Where should we start?" Calvin said,

trying to sound dramatic.

Shania: In the mental institution.

"What? Oh. Uh, Calvin I meant the

police." Max said. "Oh. Well I guess I'll just mope around here

then." Calvin said, disappointed.

Yuri (Calvin): I just wanted to shoot someone!

Calvin then swatted a bug away.

Alice: And the whole 'Jaws' mosquito thing is resolved.

A tiny camera on the electric mosquito buzzed out, and a TV

screen in a certain evil lair blacked out. "WHAT!

For Pete's sake! That stupid kid broke the machine!"

Johnny (Darkshock): The whole mosquito thing is kinda stupid when you stop and think about it.

Dr. Darkshock growled furiously, "Now I have to come up with

an entire new plan in under 6 days, or that kid will go home!" he finished.

Shania (Darkshock): And then I would have to wait for another year!

Darkshock walked over to the MosquitoBot machine,

and took about ten of the robots off of the conveyer belt.

Yuri (Darkshock): Welp, better start dumping.

"That

kid won't be able to get rid of all of you. Hehehe." He then sent

them up the tube.

Alice: They don't seem to be a problem. Calvin destroyed two bugs.

Back on the island, Calvin and Hobbes talked

about what was happening. "I wonder who is behind this." Calvin

said.

Johnny (Calvin): I'm sure it's not a cliché mad scientist!

"Maybe it was Rupert Chill from last summer!" Hobbes said.

Shania: Isn't Chill from another author?

Alice: Yes.

Shania: Can this be considered theft?

Alice: Yes.

"Nah, some other author wrote that story." Calvin said, sighing.

Yuri: …HEY!

"Oh, right. Maybe Dr. Retro?" Hobbes suggested, leaning against

a tree. "No, same as before."

Alice: Bad joke is bad.

"Garfield?" "No." "Godzilla?" "No."

"Hmm. YOU?" "NO!" "Hank the Cowdog?"

"FOR THE FINAL TIME, NO!" Calvin yelled, ending the stupid

conversation.

Johnny: Cartoon characters couldn't have done it!

"Well, whoever it is, we have to stop them!"

Hobbes said. "Right! Let's go!" Calvin said, jumping and running

off.

Shania: CHARGE!

"I didn't mean already!" Hobbes called, "Sigh, here we go

again."

Yuri (Hobbes): 'Sigh'. I need a cold beer after all this.

Here you go! This is sort of the revealing chapter. Hope you like it!

Alice: Revealing like a sheet of black metal.

Hobbes followed Calvin through the woods for a while, before

losing track of him.

Johnny: How hard can it be to find a hyperactive child?

Yuri: Just look for the explosions!

"Oh, great. He got too far ahead. CALVIN!"

Hobbes said. "I'm over here!" Calvin replied. "Where is here?"

Hobbes asked.

Shania: How do you use eyes?

"Here!" Calvin said again. "WHERE!" Hobbes

asked, getting annoyed.

Yuri: Sight Fail!

"Sigh.UPhere." Calvin said.

Alice: Isn't it always?

"Oh. Above me." Hobbes said, looking up.

Johnny: Oh. UP there.

Calvin was hanging

by his leg in a tree.

Shania: Elmer Fudd is loose!

"I stepped on a deer trap, now help me

down, Furball!" Calvin said.

Yuri: Deep trap? A leg snare?

Alice: Must be France.

"No, you just called me a furball."

Alice (Hobbes): And you know that's racist!

Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

"AAARRRGGGHHH! Fine! You're not a furball,

now just help me down!" Calvin screamed.

Johnny (Hobbes): You still used the word 'furball'.

All: LYNCH! LYNCH! LYNCH!

"All right, fine."

Hobbes said, starting to climb the tree. Once he reached the top,

he hit the switch blade in his claws and cut the rope.

Shania: Hobbes is gansta!

Alice: SHANIA!

"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Calvin screamed, falling to the

ground.

Yuri: And died.

He landed on Hobbes, who had jumped down already.

Yuri: Oh. So they both died.

Johnny: The End! Bye! (He tries to leave, but the doors are locked.)

Nicolai: Try, try, all you want! You can't leave!

Johnny: ...help me.

"Ow. Nice landing. I'm probably paralyzed." Hobbes said, lying

on the ground with Calvin on him.

Alice: He went back to stealing from the comic.

"All except your mouth,

apparently. Now get up, and let's go!" Calvin said, hopping up.

Johnny (Calvin): Let's go to the next trap!

"Fine. I'm coming." Hobbes said. They ran for a while but found

out nothing.

Shania: Nothing but trees! Rocks! Nuclear mosquitoes!

Yuri: They ran out of plot!

Calvin leaned on a tree and started to say, "Hobbes,

I don't know how we're find out !"

Yuri: Calvin, if you want to leave Mrs. Wormwood's class, use correct grammar!

The tree had slid to the side, revealing a hole that Calvin fell

into.

Alice: A hole hopefully filled with gem-incrusted spikes.

Shania: It kills him, and we can get rich!

Yuri: Everyone is a winner!

"Calvin! Are you OK down there!" Hobbes yelled, running

to the hole.

Johnny (Calvin): Come on down!

"Oh, sure! If you call probably fracturing your skull

OK, then sure, I'm at peak strength!"

Shania: Ever since Calvin fractured his skull, he became a super hero!

Alice: Fracture Man!

Calvin replied, come down

here and help me." "OK, I'm coming!" Hobbes called before

jumping into the hole.

Yuri: Unfortunately, he fell into the second hole, the one with the acid.

"WWWWWOOOOAAAHHHH!" Hobbes

yelled, sliding down a tube.

Everyone: Wheee.

"Oh, no. DON'T LAND HERE!

DON'T LAND HERE!" Calvin yelled as Hobbes fell at him. BAM!

Alice: And they died! Again!

Hobbes landed there. There happened to be on Calvin's head.

Johnny: Whack-a-Calvin!

"OK, Now I know I fractured it." Calvin said, rubbing his very

sore head. They got up, and headed down a hallway they were in.

Shania: Ever seem to notice that when this story isn't ripping off the comic, they're ripping off old serials from the 1930s?

Johnny: Yeah, the boring ones.

"Man, it's spooky in here." Calvin said. "Yeah. There's huge

machines everywhere." Hobbes said.

Yuri: Instead of showing them, the characters will now tell us what is in the hallway they were in.

Shania: It's dark down here.

Johnny: They're bats everywhere.

Shania: It'll be dark soon.

Johnny: There is no way out.

"Yep. It reminds me

of one of Spaceman Spiff's adventures on planet Zo-

"Calvin, this no time for a fantasy sequence,

so don't start!" Hobbes yelled, shaking Calvin.

Alice: DON'T GO THERE, MAN! DON'T GO THERE!

"All right.

Just go ruin the fun." Calvin said.

Johnny: Believe me, he's not.

"FUN! YOU THINK WE'RE

HAVING FUN! THEN GO SOAK YOUR HEAD!" Hobbes screamed

in Calvin's face.

Shania: OKAY!

They walked for a few minutes, and Calvin

suddenly stopped.

Yuri (Calvin): I think we're nearing some plot!

Hobbes bumped into him and yelled,

"AAAHHH! Calvin! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Alice (Hobbes): Gack! Quick!...reach out into my pocket…

"Well,

sooooorry. Watch where you're going." Calvin said.

Johnny (Hobbes): Well, excuuuse me!

For a few

more minutes, it was quiet until evil laughter cut through the

darkness.

Shania: For laughing gas filled the hall.

"Ha ha ha ha! That kid is in here somewhere in here!"

it said. Calvin and Hobbes gasped.

Yuri: Very girly.

"What was that!" Calvin

asked. "I dunno, but I think we better run!" Hobbes replied.

Alice: Run where? You fell down a hole!

Yuri: Where else? To Wonderland!

"Right! Let's go!" Calvin said before they ran off.

After about 5 minutes of running, Calvin and Hobbes stopped,

panting.

Johnny: Running up the wall proved fruitless.

"I think we lost whoever that was." Calvin said.

"Mua ha ha ha ha! Wrong!" The voice laughed.

Shania (Voice): I need you to come in on Saturday…

Just then, someone stepped out of the darkness, and threw a bag

over Calvin and Hobbes.

Yuri: Oh no!

Shania: How can they ever get out of a bag?

Alice: Can Calvin use a invention?

Shania: Could Hobbes use his switchblade?

Yuri: No. They let the kidnapper take them away.

"Aaaaahhhhh! Help!" They yelled.

Alice: We're useless!

Oh yeah! I loved writing this chapter! Here you go!

Johnny: It's true. A mad man is even more scarier when he loves something!

Review Answers: Comicfreak1007: Yes, Calvin will stay in a hotel!

Shania: A question that only one person answered.

Calvin and Hobbes screamed as a bag was thrown

over their heads.

Yuri: Aw man, I hate re-runs!

"AAAAAHHHH! Help!" Calvin screamed.

"Oh, shut up kid. Nobody can hear you!" The deep voice

said.

Alice (Voice): Nobody cares about you! Nobody ever loved you!

Yuri: Geez, Alice, that's harsh.

Alice: I'm talking about the story, not Calvin!

Yuri: Okay!

"Make me!" Calvin said from inside the bag. "Calvin,

shut up!" Hobbes said.

Johnny (Hobbes): Don't be useful!

Calvin grumbled for a while before

they were dumped out of the bag onto an examination table.

Shania: Lunch time!

Calvin spun around to face the kidnapper, but he couldn't tell

who it was because the person had his back turned.

Yuri: Our kidnapper is rather shy around his victims.

Johnny (Kidnapper): Uhh…what should I say to break the ice?

Suddenly,

the person turned around, revealing himself as…

DOCTOR DARKSHOCK!

Alice: Surprise!

Yuri: Just about as who's Darth Vader is.

Johnny: He's revealed to be…

…LUKE'S FATHER!

"Hehehe. I knew I'd capture you two

eventually." Darkshock laughed.

Johnny (Darkshock): Yeah, you guys suck!

"Now to begin the test." He

said to Calvin. "TEST! OH NO! WAIT! I KNOW THE ANSWERS!

1612! THE BATTLE OF LEXINGTON! ELI WHITNEY AND THE

COTTON GIN! PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME A TEST!" Calvin screamed,

dropping to his knees.

Shania (Calvin): Please don't make me repeat stuff from the comic!

Darkshock stared at the moron on the

floor before simply saying, "Relax, kid. It's animaginationtest.

Yuri: Think of all of the hot babes and mud you can!

Alice: YURI!

Now shut up so we can start, you little loon!" Darkshock yelled,

"Now, Number On-

"Wait!" Calvin interrupted. "WHAT IS IT, YOU IDIOT!"

Alice: Your grammar teacher is kicking you in the pants!

Darkshock yelled angrily. "We haven't introduced ourselves

yet." Calvin said. Dr. Darkskock smacked a hand onto his

forehead and dragged it down to his chin.

Johnny (Darkshock): Damn, I'm a idiot!

"All right, you moron. If

it will shut your little trap. My name is Dr. Gerald Darkshock!

Shania (Darkshock): Stop laughing!

The

soon-to-be ruler of the universe, AH HA HA HA HA- HACK!

COUGH!" Darkshock thundered. (And coughed!)

Yuri: Huh. He IS a cougher!

Darkshock sighed deeply before continuing. "I will

rule the world, and all I have to do is kill you, Earth Potentate.

AH HA HA HA HA!" He laughed.

Alice (Darkshock): Well, thanks for listening to me, instead of running away.

"Wha-? Earth Potenta- OH NO.

Not you too." Calvin said, rolling his eyes skyward.

Johnny (Calvin): I'm tired of calling the loony bin!

"Oh yes. I

have two important little messengers who told me all about you."

Darkshock laughed.

Shania (Darkshock): I CAN'T believe you still wear diapers!

"Oh great. Well, after that

REEEEAAAALLLLYYY looooooooooooooong introduction,

my name's Calvin."

Yuri (Calvin): I'm not a alcoholic!

All: DENIAL!

"Well, All righty then. Ahem, slaves! Get

in here to begin the test!" Darkshock yelled, clapping his hands.

Alice (Darkshock, German): We vhall begin with the brain…

A piece of the wall moved away, and two VERY familiar figures

walked into the room. "Galaxoid and Nebular!" Calvin and

Hobbes gasped.

Johnny: Two characters who had only two appearances in the comic!

"I know. It's not good. I mean, first we were

slaves to Retro, and now this!" Galaxoid sobbed.

Shania (Galaxoid): At least in that story, we had correct grammar!

"Yes, it's been

out of the flying ban, and into the wire for us!" Nebular bawled.

Yuri: Get it? They're aliens!

Everyone stared at the dimwit in front of them, before going back

to the original conversation.

All: Which one?

"Sooooooooooooooooo, let's start

the test already. Bring in the Imagination-Drainer!" Darkshock

shouted.

Alice (Darkshock): Bring the salad bowl headgear!

Nebular carried a large helmet attached to a

suction tube, and a tank.

Johnny: Ladies and gentlemen, the portable Imagination-Drainer!

"Imagination-Drainer!" Calvin

gasped.

Yuri (Calvin): That's a stupid name!

"Oh yes. It's an imagination test! This machine will

suck out our imaginations, and we will pit them against

each other!

Alice: It would be like that Deadliest Warrior show, but even dumber!

Shania: Is it even possible?

Yuri: Hey, how would this help him to conquer the earth?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Are you ready, brat!"

Johnny: Are you ready, kids?

Darkshock yelled, flicking the ON/OFF switch to ON.

Shania: I'm sorry, I thought he pressed the switch to turn the electric fence on!

Johnny: Tim is going to be zapped!

Two powerful lasers blasted out of the machine, and hit

Calvin and the insane doctor.

Yuri (Calvin): It tickles!

Johnny (Darkshock): ARGH! IT HURTS!

Seconds later, green rings

appeared around Calvin and Doctor Darkshock.

Alice: And then it went red.

Yuri: I always preferred the PS3.

The rings

rose up and made tall green tubes, which silhouettes appeared in

moments later.

Johnny: I bet you that it looks like crappy CGI.

Yuri: The movie is coming out in a month. The whole thing is CGI!

The three rings around Calvin had Calvin-shaped

silhouettes in them, while the three around Darkshock had

strange shapes in them.

Shania: One was a round dinosaur.

Yuri: One was looked like a clown.

Johnny: One of them was Charles Mason.

Alice: Johnny!

"Ahem, Dr. Darkshock, MEET MY

ALTER EGOS!" Calvin yelled,

Yuri: No, no, no Calvin! You first need to shoot yourself in the head to summon your Persona!

"Spaceman Spiff," The first ring

opened,

Alice: And he fell flat on his face.

"Tracer Bullet," The second ring opened,

Johnny (Tracer Bullet): Today was going to be a weird day. I could tell, my gun was full and my bottle empty.

"AND…

STUPENDOUS MAN!" Calvin yelled as the last ring on his

side opened.

Shania (S.M.): Let us do our introductions!

The four Calvins all prepared to pound a little mad

scientist, but at that point, that ended up with more than a little.

Yuri: It was a lot!

Dr. Darkshock's rings opened and out stepped 3 more

Darkshocks.

Alice: Huh. Darkshock is boring!

"Calvin, Spiff, Tracer, Stupendous, and Hobbes,

meet my power clones!" Darkshock yelled. "Power clones?"

Hobbes asked, "What makes them powerful?"

Johnny: Natural male enhancement!

"This." Darkshock

said as a clone punched a wall, reducing it to specks of rock.

Shania: But the clone broke his hand.

Calvin's jaw dropped to the floor, and Hobbes' fur got bushy.

Yuri: And then Hobbes laid an egg.

"Ha! I'm not afraid of you!" Tracer said, pointing his gun at

all the Darkshocks. "Ha! You think I'm scared of that little toy

gun?" A Darkshock asked.

Alice: I know real guns that are the size of a roll of film!

"Oh, I expect you'll be

scared of us soon." Spiff said, setting his Death Ray Blaster to

"medium well".

Johnny: Actually, I preferred my burgers well-done.

"Then let's get started." Darkshock said,

gritting his teeth.

Shania: And let's get finished!

Everyone leaves.


"Johnny? What're you wearing?" Asked Shania.

"What do you think?" Johnny said. He somehow found a brown fedora, a trench coat and brown leather shoes. He kept everything else on. "I'm a detective! A 1930's detective, to be exact!"

"Why?" She stopped and thought. "Don't tell me that this has to with Tracer Bullet?"

"Yes, it does! Nicolai may be an evil, bored, man, but he did leave behind several good things! Like the complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes! And I just love the Tracer Bullet parts. It reminds me of…me! Oh, if I wasn't trapped up here, I redo the Agency to be the tough and gritty booze-drinking, cigar-chopping detective agency!"

"How is a kid's imaginative detective who can't ever solve a case be compared to you?" Shania stopped and thought again. "Oh…wait. I answered my own question."

"Shania!"Johnny shouted. Yuri and Alice had come over; overhearing and seeing Johnny.

"Johnny, the most important case we solved was uprooting a bomber, and the bomber didn't know how gunpowder worked. And for that matter, keeping a low profile!"

"The man was a first timer." Johnny took a different approach to ignore Shania. Monologuing in the style of Tracer Bullet. "He didn't the difference between a 4th of July firecracker and dynamite. He looked a bomber, he acted like a bomber, and he smelled like a bomber. And that was no assumption. A failed bomb was found in his gym bag."

"Okay…" Shania rolled her eyes. "Fine. Did Calvin find cats for a living?"

"One dame came in with a sob story about her ex taking her precious Muffin. I could tell you right off…" Now the two were talking together, but not at the same time. It started to mend together.

"Johnny, you may be an idiot…"

"…but a diamond is a diamond. So I set out…."

"…to find you drunk in an alley? Sorry, Johnny, but if you become a drunk detective…"

"…I will kill you. That what I said to the ex, holding the diamond and the cat. He had no idea…"

"…what you're getting into to. Johnny, people like him are targeted…"

"…and now I had to protect the dame from the group of mercs sent by the ex. I swear…"

"…that you're still alive. I'm glad that I picked up a ton of Pure items before…."

"…I took her and Muffin out for a walk, thank god that the gun store was having a sale. I don't normally…"

"…have to knock out my friends, but I always make an exception for you, you…"

" …you swine! This ex wasn't worth the trouble. His pants turned a darker color, and a liquid ran down his leg. And his insults? Oh god…"

"…are you listening? Johnny, a detective listens, not talks on and on…"

"…so I shot the ex in the leg. His yell sounded a dame on helium high. I would have laughed…"

"…if you weren't my friend. Geez…."

"….how was I supposed to know the whole thing was a scam to get the insurance off that egg? That ex got up…"

"…and hit you. And that's why you always check if the enemy died. Also…"

"…the dame turned out to be a sure-fire gun genius, picking up a hunter's rifle and aiming to where I was going rather than where I was! Damn…"

"…at times, you amaze me! Just, amaze me. Really? A…"

"…bazooka? Where the hell did they get a bazooka? I mean, I can't get one…"

"…so where the hell did you get that?"

Yuri and Alice walked away from the two, still complaining to no one. The two nodded and walked up closer to the viewer on the screen. Yes, you.

"Well, folks…" Alice started, looking for the right words.

"We'll back. As soon as we handle these two." Yuri said, holding a baseball bat.

"Yeah!" Alice followed suit by also grabbing a bat. "So…umm…we'll finish Calvin and Hobbes: Island of doom next." The two walked back to the unaware two….

"Oh, the button, Yuri!"

"Shoot, thanks!" Yuri ran back and pressed the button.

BRRTTZZ!


Sorry for coming out late. I've been working on other stories and college work. If you get bored, check out my other stories. Heroic League, MegaManX: Infinite Legacy, and Cursed Saviors. I'm working on all four stories at once, so wait and review.

Please review. Flames are accepted.

EPISODE FIVE: Calvin and Hobbes and the Island of Doom! II

This is where I started to get into the groove of writing this. This is where I felt like I was really getting funny...I think.
© 2014 - 2024 BlackEyeHawk
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