My Life As A Teenage Robosexual The Series Ch. IX

Brit could only sigh.

Socks.

Argyle socks.

Black argyle socks with white lines.

For Christmas.

Socks for Christmas.

Black argyle socks with white lines as a Christmas gift.

“You could knit them into a kickass scarf.” Jenny shrugged.

“Tempting.” Brit glared at the giftwrap, seemingly worth more than the socks themselves.

“Yup.” Tiff sighed as she showed off her own unique gift: a pair of argyle gloves. “Aunt Augustine. Never sent anything worth a damn.” Tiff faked barfing as she tossed the gift into a far corner. “Like for instance…”

Brit started to tune out Tiff’s little rant on previous Christmas and the terrible gifts of Augustine. She heard it every single year, and more than once as Tiff would go into her little speech on her birthday and any other holidays when Augustine sent them something. Plus, as someone who also experienced the times where Augustine sent them party balloons for their birthday, Brit didn’t need those memories dredged up from the bottom of the ocean. Yes Tiff. The time where Augustine sent both of us tacky sweaters during the summer months was bad, yes.

Christmas had always been a mixed bag for Brit. She got permission from her father to spend a weekend at Jenny’s…as long as Tiff tagged along. Brit played her cards close to the table, making sure to not engage in romantic affairs with Jenny once Tiff entered the room. Unfortunately Brit had seen a budge in Tiff’s purse when she arrived, and Tiff made sure to earn her due.

“Duct tape?” Jenny repeated.

“Two rolls each.” Tiff held up two fingers. “Sure, I got some good mileage out of it, but still. Two dollars for both rolls. She always spent more on the packing.” Tiff threw down the golden metallic paper on the ground after stating Brit’s previous observation. Tiff snorted up a laugh as she kicked back onto the couch and lifted her cap down over her eyes to take a nap…or at least trick Brit into engaging Jenny. Brit had already fallen for this trick several times before, she silently motioned over to Jenny and moved out of the living room and up into Jenny’s room. Brit took notice of the metal Christmas tree Jenny had set up in the corner.

“That?” Jenny pointed after Brit asked about it. “Made it in shop class a year ago. I’m going to make it my tradition to set that up all throughout December.”

“I didn’t see it the last times I was here.” Brit pointed out.

“I forgot.” Jenny sighed and rolled her shoulders. “First time and all.” She went up to it and tapped on the side to get the lights working. The neon colored neon lights flickered on and alternated between different colors. “But I will next year! And every year after that!”

“I’ll hold you to it.” Brit remarked without actually considering it. “I mean…”

“Brit.” Jenny sat down onto her bed and patted the area next to her. Brit took the invitation and sat down next to her. Jenny wrapped a arm around Brit and nuzzled up close to her. “Do you want to talk about dealing with Tiff?”

“Deal with?” Brit asked before holding up her hands. “Wait…what are you proposing?”

“We play as many pranks on her during this weekend.” Jenny’s mouth turned into a rectangle and started to print out a list of possible prank ideas, ranging from short-sheeting, hiding the remaining gifts she had, good old laxatives in her drinks…all sorts of pranks ranging from the simple and fun to the complex and nasty. Brit quickly realized that Jenny had all those things ready to print for some time. “Okay.” Jenny looked at the list for a quick second. “…ah! I know, we can start with a whoopie cushion…we know that Tiff likes to lay around a lot, so this should be easy enough to pull of…”

“I’ll think I should trying talking with her first.” Brit reflexively got out. After all, she didn’t want to dare engage in a prank war with her own cousin. She wanted at least one family member on her good side, let alone keep her own best friend. “I mean, she was bought by dad to keep a eye on me…”

“With fifty bucks?” Jenny asked with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, aren’t you guys well off?” Brit returned the look. “Oh, I saw the bulge in the bag and thought it might have been a stink bomb, so I x-rayed it. It’s just a wrap of ones with two twenties on top and bottom.”

Brit took only a second to realize the truth behind that. Without a word to Jenny, she strode out of the room and jumped the flight of stairs to find Tiff still napping in her usual place. Brit grabbed Tiff by her shirt and dragged the dazed Tiff into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. “So, why did you really come here!?” She asked with an angry whisper.

“What?” Tiff replied in a drowsy manner.

“Jenny invaded your privacy and looked into your bag.” Brit started. That awoken Tiff from her snooze, but then she tried to escape. Brit held onto her. “She said she only found only fifty bucks…but that didn’t come from Dad. He would have given you more than just that. Does this mean…”

“Actually.” Tiff sighed. “I asked for this ‘assignment’…and only asked for that much just as cover.” Brit let go and Tiff turned around, seemingly out of embarrassment. “So…” Tiff hiccupped. “Uhh…”

“You did this…” Brit started. “…for what reason?”

“Cause…uhh…” Tiff pranced around. “…IdontwantyouandJennytogether?”

“What.”

“You and Jenny…”

“…yes. Yes?”

“Don’t belong together?”

“Ah!” Brit put on a fake smile and waved her pointer finger in the air like a baton. “That makes sense! You were angry about me deceiving you!” She clapped her hands. “But really? Only fifty bucks?”

“I didn’t want your dad calling me greedy.” Tiff argued. “Besides, I did it out of the ‘kindness in my heart.’ I really don’t like you being with Jenny.”

“You’ll get over it sooner or later.” Brit gritted out.

“You being a lesbian robosexual?” Tiff placed a rather mean glare straight at Brit, getting onto the offensive now. “That’s…so insane!” Tiff moaned out loud all annoyed. “You went from zero to sixty in a second flat! One moment you considered her to be a annoying goody-two shoes, now you want to fuck her!”

“Not even close!” Brit shouted louder than Tiff. “We haven’t even kissed yet! This is only a little experiment, just testing the waters!”

“It’s been four months!” Tiff pointed out. “And Jenny is way into you! I overheard her in the halls before the break…”

“Overhea…” Brit started before reaching over and grabbing Tiff by the color of her biker jacket. “How long have you been stalking me and Jenny?!”

“Two weeks before break…” Tiff counted off her finger, seemingly calm despite being the threat of physical violence. “And that was pro bono. So…” She smiled greedily at Brit. “I do have evidence that I hid somewhere…and I do intend to turn it over to your dad once he agrees to my price.” She rubbed her fingers. “Of course…I don’t like him anymore than you. I will gladly burn my secret stash if you…”

“How much?”

“Oh…say…ten bucks and you break up with Jenny…”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Brit yelled out loud at the top of her lungs and slammed Tiff against the wall.

“So you are lying!” Tiff coughed out. “You do want to bang a robot! For crying out loud, you could just buy a sexdroid and do it behind closed doors! You don’t have to be so upfront about it! I think even dad has one he hides at work! I pretty sure once you spend time with one, you’ll change your mind!”

“No.” Brit hissed. “I’ll make my own decisions. Besides, I already got Jenny, why would I need some cheap hoe?”

“I read your journal.” Tiff hissed and finally pushed back against Brit. Being a mechanic, she managed to easily resist against Brit and escape the hold. “You expressed some concern…” Tiff took a deep breath to calm down and return to her normal speaking voice. “…about Jenny forgetting you? Youknow, the whole thing she outlive you and all that nonsense?” Now Tiff exerted some pressure against Brit, pushing her back into the opposing wall with her words alone. “But wait, I take that back. It’s not nonsense, it’s simple logic.”

“I don’t care anymore.” Brit tried to escape, but Tiff blocked the way. “Damnit, move it!”

“Not until we make a decision.” Tiff held up a finger. “So, smart or stupid?”

“Neither.”

“So middle school.” Tiff shrugged. “But there’s not a middle road here. Continue down the path of ruin and date the dumbbot, or peacefully resign and live the normal life…”

“I’ll ruin you if you continue to talk about Jenny like that.” Brit threatened.

“So fine!” Tiff opened the door and waved to outside the bathroom. “I’ll go home and spend Christmas with my family instead with some fake THING!” Tiff screamed. “And don’t worry, I’ll have your things out of your room within the week!” She dived over to grab her bag and left with seconds. By this point, both Jenny and Doctor Wakeman had overheard the shouting match and stood near the bathroom door, unmoving in complete silence. After Tiff slammed the door behind her, Brit took her time leaving the bathroom and quietly sitting down on the couch. Jenny took a second to approach her.

“You…” Jenny started with a whisper.

“…fine.” Brit sighed. “I’m fine. I didn’t lose anything really important.” Jenny sat down while Nora went off into the kitchen to fetch good hot chocolate she had been making before the argument. “I still got you.”

“But your family…” Jenny tried to comfort, but Brit placed a hand on Jenny’s shoulder. The two went silent as Nora served the drinks. “…I can secure your accounts so they don’t take everything.”

“Any port in a storm.” Brit stated out of nowhere.

“Uh?”

“It’s how the Crust fortune got started. Our British-loyal ships swapped flags to dock in America during the Revolution. It’s the name of the masterpiece we hang in the main hall.”

“Ah.”

“Can I stay here? For a short while?”

“Sure. We work things out with your family…”

“Can we forget about them for a bit? I want to enjoy the rest of Christmas.”

“Oh!” Jenny snapped her fingers. “Your gift! I forgot to bring it downstairs!” Jenny turned on the boosters and flew upstairs for a second before returning with a box the size of a adult novel. The giftwrap didn’t shine nor was it a eyesore. Just a simple purple snowman wrap. Jenny landed butt-first and calmly handed the gift. With a nod, Brit opened the gift.

“It’s not that special…” Jenny started. “…but I figured…”

“Jenny!” Brit held a mouth over her gaping mouth as she started to gain a red blush. Inside the cardboard box laid a fantastic arm bracelet made out of pure platinum with a twelve-carat diamond placed in the middle.  “How…”

“The New Cluster mining operation in Africa. They forced me to take it. Do you like it…”

Brit tackled Jenny down on the couch and cried into her chest. Jenny only acted surprised for a brief moment before warmly returning the hug. Nora decided to head down into the lab to do some work on her recent project.

Outside, Tiff trudged the snow all cold and very alone. Some doubt hanged in her head, but she continued towards her destination. While the rest of her Christmas would be spent eating chicken soup and engaging in simple conservations with Brit’s parents, Brit herself would spend time with her new family.